do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
