with your own penis?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
