Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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