i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
