Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize