Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
