I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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