I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
