I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
