I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
