I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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