She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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