haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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