on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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