I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
