he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
