Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
