Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
