so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My vagina is officially offended.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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