I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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