Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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