So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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