Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
