Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
