It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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