can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
