Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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