walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
