$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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