I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
