I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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