I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
