checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
