He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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