Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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