im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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