there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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