Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
