its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
