I saw his package. It spoke to me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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