I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
