Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
