You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize