I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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