well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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