So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
