i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
