I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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