You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
