HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
