i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
