If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
