singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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