ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
