NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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