Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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