brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
