super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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