I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
