I accidentally burped into my bong.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
