his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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