her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize