At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
