sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
