you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
