I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We had to coat check the pizza.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
