I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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