Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
