i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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