She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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