My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
