I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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