I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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