Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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