There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
