If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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