Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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