Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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