Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
