i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
