I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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