your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
