You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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