My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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