Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We have started to decorate penises.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
