I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
