Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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