Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
