Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize